I don't think I've ever told this story to anyone - but I may have, since it took place nearly 15 years ago.
When I was about 15 years old, I used to attend church with my mother, my grandmother, and some of my grandmother's sisters (my aunts). In a "special" service one day, a guy who is known as Prophet Todd Hall was preaching. He was giving out the normal Christian prophecies - financial blessings this year, gifts from heaven, spiritual warfare, yada yada yada. But then he gave out a not-so-normal Christian prophecy that destroyed my love of human nature for almost a decade.
He gave a prophecy that went on the lines of "The Lord told me that in the year 2000, all of the homosexuals in the world are going to be burned alive in fire. 'God' is going to burn them up." The entire congregation cheered, and celebrated, and shouted "Praise the Lord!" and "Hallelujah!", others 'spoke in tongues' and some 'went in the spirit' (typical of Pentecostal churches).
I was frightened, completely afraid. I didn't want to be burned alive - certainly not by 'the Lord'. I became very religious and hated the fact that I had been attracted to men (and certainly denied it when people called me "gay" and "faggot"). I tried to like women, and I prayed almost every day to at least enjoy seeing a pair of tits - but none of it ever worked.
As we all know, the year 2000 came and gone, and no faggot was burned alive (not by 'the Lord' anyway). This, of course, shouldn't be surprising since no one has seen 'the Lord' do anything notably 'divine' - so why expect him to now get up off the tree-stump from where you carved him and snap his fingers to perform his "burn the fags" magic act. Todd Hall expected this anyway - and so did the church, and so did I.
As a result, I became this hypocritical, provocative, and arrogant "unfag" that was very religious and emotionally distraught. Then 1999 came, when that 'star' appeared over my head (I talked about this in my blog entry titled "I Struggled Accepting Reality"), and then, of course, the year 2000 came, and 'the Lord' did nothing - as we have all seen.
Now, for interest's sake, let's say that 'the Lord' did get up off the tree-stump, and did set all the homos on fire. People on this planet do not use common sense when it comes to 'the Lord' - but now that 'the Lord' did something they could see, it's safe to assume they would perform an evaluation of him. To burn people alive, because they are not as you want them to be - and for no other reason - is very oppressive and cruel. 'The Lord' would obviously be quite the tyrant - and all those bible verses where the "prophets" talked about ending oppression on the planet would be meaningless. Actions speak louder than words, right? If 'the Lord' said, "Oppression is wrong", but he himself oppressed - would you care more about what he says or what he does? You would certainly believe what he does, since you would fear his oppressive acts and not believe his peaceful lies.
Even more, what about all the 5 year old fags - I suppose they would be among the piles of fag ashes. And 'the Lord' being the all-knowing one, would know that little embryo Johnny would end up a fag - so it would only make since he be burned up as soon as his mother pushed him out of her womb (especially since praying for 'the Lord' to make you stiff when you check out a pair of tits is a waste of time).
But such is this place. Where people spend hours evaluating the word of 'the Lord', but not one second his acts. Who can recall the accounts of 'the Lord' without first reading from the bible? You certainly don't see him moving or doing anything - typical of all idols in this place (visible and invisible). Besides, he did miss the mark on that "burning fags" thing - at least that would have been something, right?
Oh, and Todd Hall is still giving out his prophecies - but he has probably failed enough times. So I'm sure that he's been sticking to his normal Christian prophecies of spiritual and financial blessings and gifts from heaven - and leaving any real and worthwhile prophecies to any true prophets of the God that actually lives and moves, whose acts can be watched and evaluated.
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Thursday, March 4, 2010
I Struggled (Accepting Reality)...
Back in 1999, when I was 19 years old, I was leaving my old job at Six Flags for the night when I looked up and saw an odd bright 'star' in the sky. The 'star' shot off in a spiral motion, then flew out into space at an incredible speed. I was dumbstruck. I had never in my life seen such a thing (and I'm sure most of you haven't either).
At that point in my life, I wasn't ready to see that - or so I thought. A friend of mine told me recently that she remembers me asking her if she had seen the light in the sky that night while leaving the park. I had forgotten that I asked her that - and in my previous blogs when I talked about that 'star', I stated that I didn't mention the event to anyone.
What I found interesting a few days ago while thinking about what I saw that night is that I didn't just come right out and say, "I saw a UFO". You see, I was struggling terribly with my sexuality because I was religious... Deeply religious and also very arrogant. And when the people flying that UFO saw it OK to fly it over my head, I struggled even more. It was just one more thing to hate about myself because I could never honestly say again, "There's no such thing as UFOs", and I could never comfortably say, "Everything in the universe was made for humanity", as I did before. Confusion overwhelmed me. I believed many things from the Bible - even to the point of me wanting to become a preacher, but I could just never hack that image of that moving 'star' out of my mind.
I simply wasn't about to tell a bunch of (religious) folk that I had been attracted to men for as long as I could remember, and I certainly wasn't about to tell them that I had seen a UFO (because UFOs imply intelligent life from another planet - and that was a bit too much for me to consider, even though I saw that UFO and its maneuvers with my own eyes). Fagginess and UFOs did not fit in with my mindset or beliefs at all. Even more, I never knew anyone personally who discussed such things - and I wasn't going to be the first one to bring these things up.
It would be another 7 years before I saw one of those spacecrafts again - but this time for a different reason and under different circumstances. I had stopped believing in nonsense. I had accepted the fact that I was gay, and I had accepted the fact that I saw that UFO back in 1999. I had no longer struggled with myself in that way, and I had no longer struggled with the idea of God - since I accepted the reality of what was going on around me and above me. In December 2005, I went looking for God - without any presumptions as to who or what God(s) is. I was then informed from above that there was one God, and in January 2006 I was informed from above to call God 'Yahweh'. Afterwards those spacecrafts began appearing over my head as often as I went outside at night - even around some of my closest friends. The spacecrafts, or rather the people flying them, had later become messengers of God to me to keep me on a level path, to inform me of the past, present and future concerning Yahweh, and to keep me safe. Goodness always follows me as long as I do good - kindness befriends me wherever I go as long as I am kind. The messengers are brothers and sisters who care for their younger sibling, they guide him in the ways that are right, and they keep him from harm. Yahweh is his mother who holds him by the hand, and She keeps all worries away from him, and She corrects him when he does wrong, so that he has perfect reasons to fear nothing but the One holding his hand.
Accepting reality is a beautiful thing, it is the only way to know God. If my oppressors came to me and chopped off my hands, how could I look up and say, "You love me"? If my disease takes me to death, how could I say to God, "You are my healer"? If my pain overwhelmed my body, how could I say to you, "God is good to me"? Accepting reality is a beautiful thing to do. If I came face to face with the man or woman who were honest about God, I would be as dumbstruck as I was when I saw that UFO all those years ago.
At that point in my life, I wasn't ready to see that - or so I thought. A friend of mine told me recently that she remembers me asking her if she had seen the light in the sky that night while leaving the park. I had forgotten that I asked her that - and in my previous blogs when I talked about that 'star', I stated that I didn't mention the event to anyone.
What I found interesting a few days ago while thinking about what I saw that night is that I didn't just come right out and say, "I saw a UFO". You see, I was struggling terribly with my sexuality because I was religious... Deeply religious and also very arrogant. And when the people flying that UFO saw it OK to fly it over my head, I struggled even more. It was just one more thing to hate about myself because I could never honestly say again, "There's no such thing as UFOs", and I could never comfortably say, "Everything in the universe was made for humanity", as I did before. Confusion overwhelmed me. I believed many things from the Bible - even to the point of me wanting to become a preacher, but I could just never hack that image of that moving 'star' out of my mind.
I simply wasn't about to tell a bunch of (religious) folk that I had been attracted to men for as long as I could remember, and I certainly wasn't about to tell them that I had seen a UFO (because UFOs imply intelligent life from another planet - and that was a bit too much for me to consider, even though I saw that UFO and its maneuvers with my own eyes). Fagginess and UFOs did not fit in with my mindset or beliefs at all. Even more, I never knew anyone personally who discussed such things - and I wasn't going to be the first one to bring these things up.
It would be another 7 years before I saw one of those spacecrafts again - but this time for a different reason and under different circumstances. I had stopped believing in nonsense. I had accepted the fact that I was gay, and I had accepted the fact that I saw that UFO back in 1999. I had no longer struggled with myself in that way, and I had no longer struggled with the idea of God - since I accepted the reality of what was going on around me and above me. In December 2005, I went looking for God - without any presumptions as to who or what God(s) is. I was then informed from above that there was one God, and in January 2006 I was informed from above to call God 'Yahweh'. Afterwards those spacecrafts began appearing over my head as often as I went outside at night - even around some of my closest friends. The spacecrafts, or rather the people flying them, had later become messengers of God to me to keep me on a level path, to inform me of the past, present and future concerning Yahweh, and to keep me safe. Goodness always follows me as long as I do good - kindness befriends me wherever I go as long as I am kind. The messengers are brothers and sisters who care for their younger sibling, they guide him in the ways that are right, and they keep him from harm. Yahweh is his mother who holds him by the hand, and She keeps all worries away from him, and She corrects him when he does wrong, so that he has perfect reasons to fear nothing but the One holding his hand.
Accepting reality is a beautiful thing, it is the only way to know God. If my oppressors came to me and chopped off my hands, how could I look up and say, "You love me"? If my disease takes me to death, how could I say to God, "You are my healer"? If my pain overwhelmed my body, how could I say to you, "God is good to me"? Accepting reality is a beautiful thing to do. If I came face to face with the man or woman who were honest about God, I would be as dumbstruck as I was when I saw that UFO all those years ago.
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